The Dog Food Diet

Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart to buy a large bag of Purina dog chow for our hunting-dog, Blanche. I was standing in line about to check out, and a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

First thing I thought was, lady, where is your sign that says "Please excuse me, but Im reeealllly dumb", but I decided to go with it.

So.....on impulse.....I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Weight Loss Diet AGAIN. I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets, and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least.

Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.

I told her "NO WAY!! It was because I stepped off the curb to sniff a beautiful Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

And WAL-MART has asked me not to shop there anymore.

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